What does it mean when something is haunted? What exactly is a ghost?
Is it when something from the past refuses to leave? Is it when something dies but doesn’t go?
It’s easy to talk about haunted places. A haunted house. A haunted building. We smile at those stories. We get excited. There is no stigma, no shame. But what about haunted people? Isn’t it true that, as people, our lives can become haunted things as well? The past can haunt the present. The past can steal the future.
Isn’t that what most of this is about? Something painful in our past? Something breaks or something dies and in living with the pain, we begin to live with ghosts. And by our choices, we either ask the ghosts to leave or we help them make a home.
If we can talk about haunted buildings, then we should be able to talk about haunted people. We should be able to put a hand up and say, “I’m not doing well” or “I need some help” or “Can we talk?”
Maybe we begin to ask the ghosts to leave when we begin to ask some other folks to join us in our haunted places. In the broken parts of stories. Our messes and our questions. To meet us, to know us, to help, to care, to listen.
Maybe we begin to help our friends become unhaunted when we let them know we’re not afraid of their pain. When we ask to really know them. When we ask to see inside. When we do our part to go beyond the distance and the smile, deeper to “who are you?” and “how are you?” and “are you okay?”
I have been a haunted house. I have had things die but stay and I didn’t know how to make them leave. And there were certainly times I didn’t want them to leave because they were beautiful. They were no longer real but they were beautiful. They were bridges to brighter days. I thought they were my dreams.
But reality is the best place to live. Reality is where healing happens. In the honest light and by the voices of our friends.
We all have our past. We all have our pain. We will all know ghosts from time to time. But if our life is like a building, then we should open our doors to let some people see inside. And into our darkest places - into those rooms that hold our fears and dreams - we will begin to walk together. Friends with hope like candles, telling ghosts to go.
- TWLOHA
Showing posts with label inspiration. Show all posts
Showing posts with label inspiration. Show all posts
Tuesday, 1 November 2011
Thursday, 15 September 2011
Sehnsucht
"You have stood before some landscape, which seems to embody what you have been looking for all your life; and then turned to the friend at your side who appears to be seeing what you saw - but at the first words, a gulf yawns between you, and you realise that this landscape means something totally different to him, that he is pursuing an alien vision and cares nothing for the ineffable suggestion by which you are transported ... All the things that have deeply posessed your soul have been but hints of it - tantalising glimpses, promises never quite fulfilled, echoes that died away just as they caught your ear. But if it should really become manifest - if there ever came an echo that did not die away but swelled into the sound itself - you would know it. Beyond all possibility of doubt you would say, 'Here at last is the thing I was made for.' We cannot tell each other about it. It is the secret signature of each soul, the incommunicable and unappeasable want ... which we shall stilll desire on our deathbeds ... Your place in heaven will seem to be made for you and you alone, because you were made for it - made for it stitch by stitch as a glove is made for a hand."
xo
Lucky
xo
Lucky
Sunday, 11 September 2011
nobody tells this to people who are beginners
I wish someone had told me.
All of us who do creative work, we get into it because we have good taste. But there is this gap.
For the first couple years you make stuff, but it's just not that good. It's trying to be good, it has potential, but it's not.
But your taste, the thing that got you into the game, is still killer. And your taste is why your work disappoints you.
A lot of people never get past this phase; they quit. Most people I know who do interesting, creative work went through years of this. We know our work doesn't have this special thing that we want it to have. We all go through this. And if you are just starting out or you are still in this phase, you gotta know that it's normal and the most important thing you can do is do a lot of work.
Put yourself on a deadline so that every week you finish one piece. It's only by going through a volume of work that you will close that gap, and your work will be as good as your ambitions.
And I took longer to figure out how to do this than anyone I've ever met.
It's gonna take a while.
It's normal to take a while.
You just gotta fight your way through.
- Ira Glass
xo
Lucky
All of us who do creative work, we get into it because we have good taste. But there is this gap.
For the first couple years you make stuff, but it's just not that good. It's trying to be good, it has potential, but it's not.
But your taste, the thing that got you into the game, is still killer. And your taste is why your work disappoints you.
A lot of people never get past this phase; they quit. Most people I know who do interesting, creative work went through years of this. We know our work doesn't have this special thing that we want it to have. We all go through this. And if you are just starting out or you are still in this phase, you gotta know that it's normal and the most important thing you can do is do a lot of work.
Put yourself on a deadline so that every week you finish one piece. It's only by going through a volume of work that you will close that gap, and your work will be as good as your ambitions.
And I took longer to figure out how to do this than anyone I've ever met.
It's gonna take a while.
It's normal to take a while.
You just gotta fight your way through.
- Ira Glass
xo
Lucky
how to feel miserable as an artist
(Or what not to do.)
1 - constantly compare yourself to other artists
2 - talk to your family about what you do and expect them to cheer you on
3 - base the success of your entire career on one project
4 - stick with what you know
5 - undervalue your expertise
6 - let money dictate what you do
7 - bow to social pressures
8 - only do work that your family would love
9 - do whatever the client/customer/gallery owner/patron/investor asks
10 - set unachievable/overwhelming goals - to be accomplished by tomorrow
xo
Lucky
1 - constantly compare yourself to other artists
2 - talk to your family about what you do and expect them to cheer you on
3 - base the success of your entire career on one project
4 - stick with what you know
5 - undervalue your expertise
6 - let money dictate what you do
7 - bow to social pressures
8 - only do work that your family would love
9 - do whatever the client/customer/gallery owner/patron/investor asks
10 - set unachievable/overwhelming goals - to be accomplished by tomorrow
xo
Lucky
Tuesday, 7 June 2011
you're not reading this by accident
This is meant for you.
I wish you love.
I wish you joy.
I wish you happiness.
May you wake every morning looking forward to your day and put your head down every evening tired and satisfied.
Your life is too short to wonder what could have been. Instead, wonder, "What next?"
Be kind to the people around you and love them even when they make you mad.
Keep in mind that everybody is fighting some sort of battle.
Never go to bed angry.
Keep your head high and your standards higher. You deserve greatness.
Tip your servers and help them to have a better day.
Be gracious to the elderly.
Spread love.
Peace.
xo
Lucky
I wish you love.
I wish you joy.
I wish you happiness.
May you wake every morning looking forward to your day and put your head down every evening tired and satisfied.
Your life is too short to wonder what could have been. Instead, wonder, "What next?"
Be kind to the people around you and love them even when they make you mad.
Keep in mind that everybody is fighting some sort of battle.
Never go to bed angry.
Keep your head high and your standards higher. You deserve greatness.
Tip your servers and help them to have a better day.
Be gracious to the elderly.
Spread love.
Peace.
xo
Lucky
Wednesday, 4 May 2011
how do you break up with a friend?
Hello fellow bloggers, my apologies that I have been neglecting you as of late. I've had a lot on my plate with school finishing up, moving back home for the summer and looking for a job. Please forgive me :)
Anyways, do you remember the friend I ranted about here: if you don't change the process, you won't change the outcome? Well, it appears she's back doing her usual whining and I'm starting to lose my hair again.
Throughout the past 6 months or so while I've been at school 6 hours away, she's apparently taken a mental and emotional turn for the worse. She's never been one to go out and party when she isn't feeling up to it (and no exaggeration - she's NEVER feeling up to it), but will then sit and complain that no one invites her out anymore. All she does is complain that she has no life, no one cares about her, she has no friends etc., yet will never get her ass off the couch to change that. She never puts herself out there. I look at her Facebook and people used to always comment on her depressing status updates asking her what's wrong, but she would never reply. She updates her status at least 3 times a day everyday and they're always depressing. No one bothers to ask anymore because she never elaborates on what's wrong or she flat out says it's none of their business and they're "insensitive for asking". Nothing pleases her, and her friends, including myself have realized that and just don't bother anymore. There's no point. It almost seems like she enjoys throwing herself these pity parties, just trying to get attention.
Anyways, for the past 6 months all I've been able to do is text her or call her when she's upset because she will never message me first. Most of the time, my messages go unanswered because she's doing whatever, but on the odd occasion she did answer, I'd stay up with her til 6 am (when I have classes and tests the next day) just so she would feel better. If she did happen to text me, I'd get up at all hours to talk to her so she wouldn't be so upset or feel so alone. She would tell me about how no one cares or invites her out anymore and I really felt bad for her. I'd stay up for hours talking her up and telling her everything would be okay. I did the very best I possibly could to be there for her when I simply couldn't drive all the way home. I was the very best friend I could be to her, and I stand by that.
Then I got a slap in the face.
About a week or so ago, she wrote off a rant on Facebook about how everyone's a bunch of jerks because "she's such a great friend and will do whatever if a friend needs her, but no one will ever do that for her. No one." She said no one. No one includes me.
So I commented on it saying that I try texting her all the time, I would have been sitting there with her letting her cry on my shoulder if I was home, and how I thought it was really unfair to lump me into the group of everyone else who let's her down. While I was waiting for her response, I was sure she just quickly typed out her angry feelings and didn't mean to include me - she was just angry. What she replied actually somewhat hurt me. She didn't apologize or even say that she didn't mean to include me. She actually defended that she doesn't always get my messages when I send them if at all and doesn't know I sent them (even though if she doesn't text me back I usually send her a message on Facebook asking if she got them). I guess I don't count.
A few minutes later, another girl commented on the note calling my friend out on it. She said that my friend might as well tag the people she's aiming her anger at because blasting someone on Facebook behind people's backs is rude and she isn't as great of a friend as she says she is if she would do something like that. She explained to her that people have lives outside of my friend's drama and that the world doesn't revolve around her.
Within minutes her comments were deleted, and my friend updated her status to how ignorant people can be and how she isn't entitled to any feelings or expressing them. Apparently she forgot that she's not the only one entitled to having feelings and expressing them, because if you feel like you're being personally attacked, you're going to defend yourself.
Watching all of this go down and seeing that I clearly wasn't the only "friend" my friend was mad at, I started questioning how many people she was actually talking to about her problems and how many other people she was telling she had no friends. Clearly I wasn't her only friend, as she made me believe and I guarantee that she was telling all these other people that they were her only friend as well. Then I started piecing the other parts together. I came to the conclusion that she had other friends who she would cry to about her problems, and when they were either too busy or didn't tell her what she wanted to hear, that's when she would talk to me. I was a last resort because she knew I felt sorry for her and would tell her all the nice things she was looking for. I was a sucker and I totally fell for it.
It's more clear to me than ever before that I meant nothing to this girl, I was just a stand in for a friend when all the other people she clearly likes more than me were too busy. Why else would someone who is so upset and ranting that no one talks to her wait so long to talk to me? You'd think if you were that depressed and wanted someone to talk to so badly, you'd go to your real friends first. Then you'd talk to whoever would listen. That's exactly what she did.
I don't want to deal with this girl anymore. I have REAL friends that I can give my time, attention and friendship to. I don't need to waste any more time being a substitute for this girl. I have people in my life that truly appreciate the efforts and lengths I go to to make them happy and have a good time. So my question is, how do you break up with a friend? Especially one as dramatic as this one.
I'm going to do it gradually. I'm not going to text her anymore. I'm not going to invite her out anymore (because she would never come anyway). If I need to speak to her, I'll do it informally on Facebook. If I see her out somewhere, I'll be civil, but not overly friendly. Slowly but surely, communication will cease all together.
I'm finally standing up for myself.
I'm not going to be her doormat anymore.
xo
Lucky
Anyways, do you remember the friend I ranted about here: if you don't change the process, you won't change the outcome? Well, it appears she's back doing her usual whining and I'm starting to lose my hair again.
Throughout the past 6 months or so while I've been at school 6 hours away, she's apparently taken a mental and emotional turn for the worse. She's never been one to go out and party when she isn't feeling up to it (and no exaggeration - she's NEVER feeling up to it), but will then sit and complain that no one invites her out anymore. All she does is complain that she has no life, no one cares about her, she has no friends etc., yet will never get her ass off the couch to change that. She never puts herself out there. I look at her Facebook and people used to always comment on her depressing status updates asking her what's wrong, but she would never reply. She updates her status at least 3 times a day everyday and they're always depressing. No one bothers to ask anymore because she never elaborates on what's wrong or she flat out says it's none of their business and they're "insensitive for asking". Nothing pleases her, and her friends, including myself have realized that and just don't bother anymore. There's no point. It almost seems like she enjoys throwing herself these pity parties, just trying to get attention.
Anyways, for the past 6 months all I've been able to do is text her or call her when she's upset because she will never message me first. Most of the time, my messages go unanswered because she's doing whatever, but on the odd occasion she did answer, I'd stay up with her til 6 am (when I have classes and tests the next day) just so she would feel better. If she did happen to text me, I'd get up at all hours to talk to her so she wouldn't be so upset or feel so alone. She would tell me about how no one cares or invites her out anymore and I really felt bad for her. I'd stay up for hours talking her up and telling her everything would be okay. I did the very best I possibly could to be there for her when I simply couldn't drive all the way home. I was the very best friend I could be to her, and I stand by that.
Then I got a slap in the face.
About a week or so ago, she wrote off a rant on Facebook about how everyone's a bunch of jerks because "she's such a great friend and will do whatever if a friend needs her, but no one will ever do that for her. No one." She said no one. No one includes me.
So I commented on it saying that I try texting her all the time, I would have been sitting there with her letting her cry on my shoulder if I was home, and how I thought it was really unfair to lump me into the group of everyone else who let's her down. While I was waiting for her response, I was sure she just quickly typed out her angry feelings and didn't mean to include me - she was just angry. What she replied actually somewhat hurt me. She didn't apologize or even say that she didn't mean to include me. She actually defended that she doesn't always get my messages when I send them if at all and doesn't know I sent them (even though if she doesn't text me back I usually send her a message on Facebook asking if she got them). I guess I don't count.
A few minutes later, another girl commented on the note calling my friend out on it. She said that my friend might as well tag the people she's aiming her anger at because blasting someone on Facebook behind people's backs is rude and she isn't as great of a friend as she says she is if she would do something like that. She explained to her that people have lives outside of my friend's drama and that the world doesn't revolve around her.
Within minutes her comments were deleted, and my friend updated her status to how ignorant people can be and how she isn't entitled to any feelings or expressing them. Apparently she forgot that she's not the only one entitled to having feelings and expressing them, because if you feel like you're being personally attacked, you're going to defend yourself.
Watching all of this go down and seeing that I clearly wasn't the only "friend" my friend was mad at, I started questioning how many people she was actually talking to about her problems and how many other people she was telling she had no friends. Clearly I wasn't her only friend, as she made me believe and I guarantee that she was telling all these other people that they were her only friend as well. Then I started piecing the other parts together. I came to the conclusion that she had other friends who she would cry to about her problems, and when they were either too busy or didn't tell her what she wanted to hear, that's when she would talk to me. I was a last resort because she knew I felt sorry for her and would tell her all the nice things she was looking for. I was a sucker and I totally fell for it.
It's more clear to me than ever before that I meant nothing to this girl, I was just a stand in for a friend when all the other people she clearly likes more than me were too busy. Why else would someone who is so upset and ranting that no one talks to her wait so long to talk to me? You'd think if you were that depressed and wanted someone to talk to so badly, you'd go to your real friends first. Then you'd talk to whoever would listen. That's exactly what she did.
I don't want to deal with this girl anymore. I have REAL friends that I can give my time, attention and friendship to. I don't need to waste any more time being a substitute for this girl. I have people in my life that truly appreciate the efforts and lengths I go to to make them happy and have a good time. So my question is, how do you break up with a friend? Especially one as dramatic as this one.
I'm going to do it gradually. I'm not going to text her anymore. I'm not going to invite her out anymore (because she would never come anyway). If I need to speak to her, I'll do it informally on Facebook. If I see her out somewhere, I'll be civil, but not overly friendly. Slowly but surely, communication will cease all together.
I'm finally standing up for myself.
I'm not going to be her doormat anymore.
xo
Lucky
Saturday, 2 April 2011
you
You. Yes, you. I am writing this for you.
I know you are reading this. And I want you to know I am writing this for you. No one else will understand. No one else knows. They think that this is for them. But it’s not. I am writing this for you.
I want you to know, life…it’s hard. Every day can be a challenge. It can be a challenge to get up in the morning. To get yourself out of bed. To put on that smile. But I want you to know, that smile is what keeps me going some days. You need to remember, even through the tough times, you are amazing. You really are.
You should be happy. You are gorgeous.
I know that the weather might not be perfect. You might have to turn your back to the wind or feel the cold nipping at your nose. But you know what, at least you are there to feel it. At least you can enjoy the sun’s warm rays on your face. Or that cold February wind biting at your cheeks. You know what that means?
You are alive.
Everything will be okay.
xo
Lucky
http://lettersillneversend.com/2011/02/11/you-106/
I know you are reading this. And I want you to know I am writing this for you. No one else will understand. No one else knows. They think that this is for them. But it’s not. I am writing this for you.
I want you to know, life…it’s hard. Every day can be a challenge. It can be a challenge to get up in the morning. To get yourself out of bed. To put on that smile. But I want you to know, that smile is what keeps me going some days. You need to remember, even through the tough times, you are amazing. You really are.
You should be happy. You are gorgeous.
I know that the weather might not be perfect. You might have to turn your back to the wind or feel the cold nipping at your nose. But you know what, at least you are there to feel it. At least you can enjoy the sun’s warm rays on your face. Or that cold February wind biting at your cheeks. You know what that means?
You are alive.
Everything will be okay.
xo
Lucky
http://lettersillneversend.com/2011/02/11/you-106/
Monday, 28 March 2011
self created...
... is what I am.
This means that I choose to walk in awareness, to live consciously, instead of on auto-pilot. This means that I don't accept anything or what anyone says to be true, unless I have analysed it, tested it, argued it and felt it as true or relevant for myself.
I don't blindly follow the ways of the masses, unless I find that following paints a picture of who I choose to be. It also entails that I think for myself. Yes, you heard me. I. Think. For. Myself. I don't base anything I do on the findings or consequences true for someone else. It's more work, but a lot more rewarding. Through all of this I will inevitably subject myself to the ridicule and criticism of others.
The alternative is unbearable though.
What is the alternative you may ask?
Not being me.
Not being true to me, to who I choose to be.
Not claiming my gift of free choice and the ultimate power: power of self.
So yes, I am self created. No, I am not perfect, but I choose to live my life this way and I do my best. You don't have to accept me for this.
All I would request is that before you ridicule, criticize or argue, investigate for yourself instead of simply huffing and puffing because of some principle you've adopted and refuse to let go of.
xo
Lucky
This means that I choose to walk in awareness, to live consciously, instead of on auto-pilot. This means that I don't accept anything or what anyone says to be true, unless I have analysed it, tested it, argued it and felt it as true or relevant for myself.
I don't blindly follow the ways of the masses, unless I find that following paints a picture of who I choose to be. It also entails that I think for myself. Yes, you heard me. I. Think. For. Myself. I don't base anything I do on the findings or consequences true for someone else. It's more work, but a lot more rewarding. Through all of this I will inevitably subject myself to the ridicule and criticism of others.
The alternative is unbearable though.
What is the alternative you may ask?
Not being me.
Not being true to me, to who I choose to be.
Not claiming my gift of free choice and the ultimate power: power of self.
So yes, I am self created. No, I am not perfect, but I choose to live my life this way and I do my best. You don't have to accept me for this.
All I would request is that before you ridicule, criticize or argue, investigate for yourself instead of simply huffing and puffing because of some principle you've adopted and refuse to let go of.
xo
Lucky
Sunday, 13 March 2011
it's never been more clear to me
Epiphany. Moment of clarity. Realization. Whatever you call it, I've recently had one.
I think deep down I've always known that a 9-5 job, workin' for the man type deal isn't for me. I hate being confined. I hate knowing I have to be somewhere at a certain time for a certain amount of time. It's just not the way my life is meant to be lived, and I'm sure I'm not the only one that feels this way.
I don't know if it's because any of the places I've worked before have been deathly boring and completely unchallenging, or it's just the structure of those workplaces I don't like. I think I could deal with coming in and working if it was something I ENJOYED doing. Something where I'm utilizing my talents and skills on a daily basis. Not standing cashing out people's groceries, asking "Would you like fries with that?" and certainly not kissing the asses of rude customers who speak to me like I have no intelligence when all I want to do is tell them where to go and how to get there. Nah sayin'?
Frankly, I want to work when I want to work. I want to leave when I want to leave. If I'm just not feelin' it one day, fuck it I'm stayin' home. I want to have the power and the freedom to tell ignorant fucks to get lost. Unfortunately, that's not the way life works, and generally people like me end up working for sour puss assholes who's had life stiff them one too many times and are forever bitter for it. Why? Because everyone needs money.
This is why I've decided to start selling paintings. Just as a trial thing. I've given them as gifts to family and friends for birthdays and Christmas presents and they all seem to really like them. Now, let's see if they like them enough to buy them. ;)
I'm going to start out cheap to get people's attention, give them a taste of what I can do. Maybe they'll tell a friend or 5. Then, depending on how popular it is and how much my skills improve, I can maybe start to charge a little more.
I think this would be the perfect job for me! I'm working for myself, I can take a break whenever I want, and if I don't feel inspired one day, I don't have to worry about explaining it to a boss that just doesn't get it. It's a win win. Well, unless the business loses. Hopefully, I can really do something with this and things work out.
'Ta for now,
xo
Lucky
I think deep down I've always known that a 9-5 job, workin' for the man type deal isn't for me. I hate being confined. I hate knowing I have to be somewhere at a certain time for a certain amount of time. It's just not the way my life is meant to be lived, and I'm sure I'm not the only one that feels this way.
I don't know if it's because any of the places I've worked before have been deathly boring and completely unchallenging, or it's just the structure of those workplaces I don't like. I think I could deal with coming in and working if it was something I ENJOYED doing. Something where I'm utilizing my talents and skills on a daily basis. Not standing cashing out people's groceries, asking "Would you like fries with that?" and certainly not kissing the asses of rude customers who speak to me like I have no intelligence when all I want to do is tell them where to go and how to get there. Nah sayin'?
Frankly, I want to work when I want to work. I want to leave when I want to leave. If I'm just not feelin' it one day, fuck it I'm stayin' home. I want to have the power and the freedom to tell ignorant fucks to get lost. Unfortunately, that's not the way life works, and generally people like me end up working for sour puss assholes who's had life stiff them one too many times and are forever bitter for it. Why? Because everyone needs money.
This is why I've decided to start selling paintings. Just as a trial thing. I've given them as gifts to family and friends for birthdays and Christmas presents and they all seem to really like them. Now, let's see if they like them enough to buy them. ;)
I'm going to start out cheap to get people's attention, give them a taste of what I can do. Maybe they'll tell a friend or 5. Then, depending on how popular it is and how much my skills improve, I can maybe start to charge a little more.
I think this would be the perfect job for me! I'm working for myself, I can take a break whenever I want, and if I don't feel inspired one day, I don't have to worry about explaining it to a boss that just doesn't get it. It's a win win. Well, unless the business loses. Hopefully, I can really do something with this and things work out.
'Ta for now,
xo
Lucky
Friday, 11 March 2011
i need a change
This post isn't so much for the rest of the world to read, but it's a physical reminder of what I want so I can come back to it anytime and be inspired to make a change.
When I say I want to make a change in my life, I'm talking about just about every aspect. Specifically though, I want to change my body and the way it looks. I don't want to be "skinny" per se, I just want to be fit. I want to be toned. I want to look the way I've always wanted to look, and I'm finally determined enough to make it happen.
I want to feel confident in my clothes and not feel like I'm bulging out of them. I want to feel sexy in my bathing suits because I'm tired of always wanting to cover myself up. I want to walk around on the beach this summer and feel proud of myself and what I've accomplished, not sit under a summer dress feeling jealous of the tiny little tanned bitches frolicking in the sand. (Forgive me, I know they're not all bitches. That's the jealousy talking.) It's not even so much that I want to be smaller, I want to be healthier too. For those of you who don't know me, I don't smoke, I don't drink and I don't do drugs, so I suppose I have a head start on some other girls out there who do those things and wish to lose weight and get healthy. Kicking bad habit's is really hard, but with a strong sense of will power, you can accomplish anything you set your mind to.
I've made a little progress so far, I've gotten out of a lot of my medium sized clothes and gotten into some of my smaller ones, but that isn't good enough. I want to be able to fit into a small anything again.
I feel beautiful on the inside, and I want that to show on the outside. My friends say I'm crazy for wanting to lose weight because I'm only a medium (size 5 pants). I realize beauty doesn't come in a size, but I felt the most confident when I was smaller and I'd like to feel that way again. I don't want to look drastically different, maybe just lose 15 lbs. It's always the last 10 lbs that are the hardest though. Right now I weigh about 130, and I'm 5'4, so being 110 - 115 won't make me look anorexic.
I've cut caffeine out of my diet, I only drink water, I've started working out harder and longer, and I'm eating better. I just want my hard work to pay off before this summer. I have a month and a half to get into the shape I want to, or at least start to look different.
No more laziness, no more excuses. I want this. I can make it happen. Goodbye old body, let's get a move on.
Here are some pictures of what I aspire to look like:
xo
Lucky
When I say I want to make a change in my life, I'm talking about just about every aspect. Specifically though, I want to change my body and the way it looks. I don't want to be "skinny" per se, I just want to be fit. I want to be toned. I want to look the way I've always wanted to look, and I'm finally determined enough to make it happen.
I want to feel confident in my clothes and not feel like I'm bulging out of them. I want to feel sexy in my bathing suits because I'm tired of always wanting to cover myself up. I want to walk around on the beach this summer and feel proud of myself and what I've accomplished, not sit under a summer dress feeling jealous of the tiny little tanned bitches frolicking in the sand. (Forgive me, I know they're not all bitches. That's the jealousy talking.) It's not even so much that I want to be smaller, I want to be healthier too. For those of you who don't know me, I don't smoke, I don't drink and I don't do drugs, so I suppose I have a head start on some other girls out there who do those things and wish to lose weight and get healthy. Kicking bad habit's is really hard, but with a strong sense of will power, you can accomplish anything you set your mind to.
I've made a little progress so far, I've gotten out of a lot of my medium sized clothes and gotten into some of my smaller ones, but that isn't good enough. I want to be able to fit into a small anything again.
I feel beautiful on the inside, and I want that to show on the outside. My friends say I'm crazy for wanting to lose weight because I'm only a medium (size 5 pants). I realize beauty doesn't come in a size, but I felt the most confident when I was smaller and I'd like to feel that way again. I don't want to look drastically different, maybe just lose 15 lbs. It's always the last 10 lbs that are the hardest though. Right now I weigh about 130, and I'm 5'4, so being 110 - 115 won't make me look anorexic.
I've cut caffeine out of my diet, I only drink water, I've started working out harder and longer, and I'm eating better. I just want my hard work to pay off before this summer. I have a month and a half to get into the shape I want to, or at least start to look different.
No more laziness, no more excuses. I want this. I can make it happen. Goodbye old body, let's get a move on.
Here are some pictures of what I aspire to look like:
xo
Lucky
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