how do you break up with a friend?

Hello fellow bloggers, my apologies that I have been neglecting you as of late. I've had a lot on my plate with school finishing up, moving back home for the summer and looking for a job. Please forgive me :)

Anyways, do you remember the friend I ranted about here: if you don't change the process, you won't change the outcome? Well, it appears she's back doing her usual whining and I'm starting to lose my hair again.

Throughout the past 6 months or so while I've been at school 6 hours away, she's apparently taken a mental and emotional turn for the worse. She's never been one to go out and party when she isn't feeling up to it (and no exaggeration - she's NEVER feeling up to it), but will then sit and complain that no one invites her out anymore. All she does is complain that she has no life, no one cares about her, she has no friends etc., yet will never get her ass off the couch to change that. She never puts herself out there. I look at her Facebook and people used to always comment on her depressing status updates asking her what's wrong, but she would never reply. She updates her status at least 3 times a day everyday and they're always depressing. No one bothers to ask anymore  because she never elaborates on what's wrong or she flat out says it's none of their business and they're "insensitive for asking". Nothing pleases her, and her friends, including myself have realized that and just don't bother anymore. There's no point. It almost seems like she enjoys throwing herself these pity parties, just trying to get attention.

Anyways, for the past 6 months all I've been able to do is text her or call her when she's upset because she will never message me first. Most of the time, my messages go unanswered because she's doing whatever, but on the odd occasion she did answer, I'd stay up with her til 6 am (when I have classes and tests the next day) just so she would feel better. If she did happen to text me, I'd get up at all hours to talk to her so she wouldn't be so upset or feel so alone. She would tell me about how no one cares or invites her out anymore and I really felt bad for her. I'd stay up for hours talking her up and telling her everything would be okay. I did the very best I possibly could to be there for her when I simply couldn't drive all the way home. I was the very best friend I could be to her, and I stand by that.

Then I got a slap in the face.

About a week or so ago, she wrote off a rant on Facebook about how everyone's a bunch of jerks because "she's such a great friend and will do whatever if a friend needs her, but no one will ever do that for her. No one." She said no one. No one includes me.

So I commented on it saying that I try texting her all the time, I would have been sitting there with her letting her cry on my shoulder if I was home, and how I thought it was really unfair to lump me into the group of everyone else who let's her down. While I was waiting for her response, I was sure she just quickly typed out her angry feelings and didn't mean to include me - she was just angry. What she replied actually somewhat hurt me. She didn't apologize or even say that she didn't mean to include me. She actually defended that she doesn't always get my messages when I send them if at all and doesn't know I sent them (even though if she doesn't text me back I usually send her a message on Facebook asking if she got them). I guess I don't count.

A few minutes later, another girl commented on the note calling my friend out on it. She said that my friend might as well tag the people she's aiming her anger at because blasting someone on Facebook behind people's backs is rude and she isn't as great of a friend as she says she is if she would do something like that. She explained to her that people have lives outside of my friend's drama and that the world doesn't revolve around her.

Within minutes her comments were deleted, and my friend updated her status to how ignorant people can be and how she isn't entitled to any feelings or expressing them. Apparently she forgot that she's not the only one entitled to having feelings and expressing them, because if you feel like you're being personally attacked, you're going to defend yourself.

Watching all of this go down and seeing that I clearly wasn't the only "friend" my friend was mad at, I started questioning how many people she was actually talking to about her problems and how many other people she was telling she had no friends. Clearly I wasn't her only friend, as she made me believe and I guarantee that she was telling all these other people that they were her only friend as well. Then I started piecing the other parts together. I came to the conclusion that she had other friends who she would cry to about her problems, and when they were either too busy or didn't tell her what she wanted to hear, that's when she would talk to me. I was a last resort because she knew I felt sorry for her and would tell her all the nice things she was looking for. I was a sucker and I totally fell for it.

It's more clear to me than ever before that I meant nothing to this girl, I was just a stand in for a friend when all the other people she clearly likes more than me were too busy. Why else would someone who is so upset and ranting that no one talks to her wait so long to talk to me? You'd think if you were that depressed and wanted someone to talk to so badly, you'd go to your real friends first. Then you'd talk to whoever would listen. That's exactly what she did.

I don't want to deal with this girl anymore. I have REAL friends that I can give my time, attention and friendship to. I don't need to waste any more time being a substitute for this girl. I have people in my life that truly appreciate the efforts and lengths I go to to make them happy and have a good time. So my question is, how do you break up with a friend? Especially one as dramatic as this one.

I'm going to do it gradually. I'm not going to text her anymore. I'm not going to invite her out anymore (because she would never come anyway). If I need to speak to her, I'll do it informally on Facebook. If I see her out somewhere, I'll be civil, but not overly friendly. Slowly but surely, communication will cease all together.

I'm finally standing up for myself.

I'm not going to be her doormat anymore.

xo
Lucky