i need a change

This post isn't so much for the rest of the world to read, but it's a physical reminder of what I want so I can come back to it anytime and be inspired to make a change.

When I say I want to make a change in my life, I'm talking about just about every aspect. Specifically though, I want to change my body and the way it looks. I don't want to be "skinny" per se, I just want to be fit. I want to be toned. I want to look the way I've always wanted to look, and I'm finally determined enough to make it happen.

I want to feel confident in my clothes and not feel like I'm bulging out of them. I want to feel sexy in my bathing suits because I'm tired of always wanting to cover myself up. I want to walk around on the beach this summer and feel proud of myself and what I've accomplished, not sit under a summer dress feeling jealous of the tiny little tanned bitches frolicking in the sand. (Forgive me, I know they're not all bitches. That's the jealousy talking.) It's not even so much that I want to be smaller, I want to be healthier too. For those of you who don't know me, I don't smoke, I don't drink and I don't do drugs, so I suppose I have a head start on some other girls out there who do those things and wish to lose weight and get healthy. Kicking bad habit's is really hard, but with a strong sense of will power, you can accomplish anything you set your mind to.

I've made a little progress so far, I've gotten out of a lot of my medium sized clothes and gotten into some of my smaller ones, but that isn't good enough. I want to be able to fit into a small anything again.

I feel beautiful on the inside, and I want that to show on the outside. My friends say I'm crazy for wanting to lose weight because I'm only a medium (size 5 pants). I realize beauty doesn't come in a size, but I felt the most confident when I was smaller and I'd like to feel that way again. I don't want to look drastically different, maybe just lose 15 lbs. It's always the last 10 lbs that are the hardest though. Right now I weigh about 130, and I'm 5'4, so being 110 - 115 won't make me look anorexic.

I've cut caffeine out of my diet, I only drink water, I've started working out harder and longer, and I'm eating better. I just want my hard work to pay off before this summer. I have a month and a half to get into the shape I want to, or at least start to look different.

No more laziness, no more excuses. I want this. I can make it happen. Goodbye old body, let's get a move on.

Here are some pictures of what I aspire to look like:

xo
Lucky